Radical Change With Self Love (an oldie but a goodie)

This article was originally published on my old website, in September 2019.

Whenever I come across something that I feel is incredibly important for healing, I like to share it here on the blog. This video below checks that box completely!

Lynnette Duncan (@oracleofyoursoul) is a life coach, astrologer, energy healer, spiritual mentor and hypnotherapist extraordinaire. I came across her work a few months back on instagram and was captivated by her messages and videos. Her work really resonates with me.

The other week, I had some time to myself one morning and was being spiritually nudged to check out her stuff. To my (not so) surprise, Lynnette had just uploaded a video explaining her self love healing methods. This fit in so perfectly well with other messages I was receiving about my own healing that I sat down, grabbed my notebook and a pen, and watched it right then and there.

UNFORTUNATELY, YouTube removed this video of Lynette’s in 2023 so it is no longer accessible. BUT, below is a detailed summary of what the video discussed - which is very helpful!

It is important to reiterate that this is an ONGOING healing method. Self love is always ongoing as we experience and change constantly. This can become your self love practice.

That being said, this practice can bring on immense healing, now. As you begin to address your emotions and call forth different aspects of yourself, you begin to peel back the layers to your core self. I love that Lynnette refers to it as “soul retrieval” because the parts of you that you are calling forth to heal, can heal and be integrated back into your whole self - and you can feel it happening. You begin to feel more whole, grounded and secure as you do the work. It builds up your self esteem and heals your self doubt.

The 6 Steps to Cultivate Self Love

1. ADDRESS YOUR SELF TALK

How we speak to ourselves matters and it effects the way we feel - emotionally and physically. When we spiral into negative thoughts in general, we can start to feel them effect our bodies. Our stomachs might start to feel twisted or sore, it might start to drain our energy… These are physical signs that our thoughts are out of alignment with our core selves and it’s telling us that we need to pay attention to what we’re thinking. Negative self talk can be deeply embedded in our psyche from childhood and years and years of speaking to ourselves poorly. Begin being a witness to your thoughts and catching yourself in the act of negative self talk. This is the first step towards cultivating self love.

Lynnette’s suggestion is to pay attention to the physical symptoms and then when we catch ourselves in the act, to think (or say aloud) “CANCEL, CLEAR” and clear away the negative thought or self talk. Once we catch ourselves speaking negatively towards ourselves, we can replace the negative with a positive. If you really want to have a clear understanding of how poorly you speak to yourself, journal this process. Write down all of the negative things you say to yourself, every time you catch yourself in the act. Now, it’s not about shaming ourselves further for having the negative thoughts - but to get a clear sense of what our conditioned thought patterns are, and to replace them with positive ones.

I went through a process like this quite a few years ago and it has reshaped the way I think. Of course I still have negative thoughts or sink into negative spirals, but the way in which I speak to myself has drastically changed. Now, instead of using very harsh language towards myself, my negative slips are more about anxious thoughts or second guessing myself - which I am working on with these exact steps :)

So step one, find out how you really speak to yourself and begin to address yourself with a more loving tone and positive language.

2. LOVE WHAT ARISES

As we begin to pay attention to the way we feel, it becomes more obvious when a negative emotion is active. Try to pay clear attention to this when it happens. You may feel sad, angry, anxious, depressed, heartbroken… Whatever the negative emotion is, let is arise. This step is VERY important.

Lynnette explains in the video that we have two sides of ourselves active all the time. The part of us that is living through our human experience, and the part of us that is a witness to it. This “silent witness” is a greater part of ourselves and is connected to our higher self, our soul; it is our greater awareness. When we are activated in a negative emotion, we need to let our greater awareness give love to the emotion. That emotion has become activated because it needs to be expressed and healed - and the way for it to do that is to be seen and heard, and loved.

So, say you become aware of your sadness. On an emotional level, your sadness is activated. You’re going to let yourself cry and feel that emotion. Put your hand on your heart and let your awareness be a witness to your sadness. Let your sadness have a voice. Give it space to be seen and heard. Let your sadness have an avenue to be expressed.

As you let the emotion move through you and be expressed, you give that part of yourself as much love as you can. Keep your hand on your heart and tell that part of yourself “I love you. I deeply, deeply love you. You are ok. You are so loved.”

When I was moving through these emotions, I asked that emotion to express all it needed to say. I would catch glimpses of memories and could feel that part of me expressing itself. I couldn’t discern any full sentences as it was happening, but could feel the full expression of the emotion within me.

After I felt that the emotion had fully expressed itself (as the full breadth of the emotion subsided), I actively gave love and gratitude for its expression and felt massive energy shifts within me - they have been pretty incredible experiences. It’s almost as if a massive weight is lifted off my shoulders, or a whoosh of energy shifts within me.

What I gave myself next was just pure love - like comforting a child, as this practice IS healing your inner child. These emotions will be surface level first, and as you work at it more and more, you will start to heal the deeper wounds within you.

Before you jump to the next step - gratitude and appreciation - make sure that your emotion has had a chance to fully be expressed. The full expression is the only way that part of you is going to heal and reintegrate with you (like the “soul retrieval” term I mentioned above). Giving your emotions/wounds a chance to express themselves is building trust within all the parts of you. Lynnette explains it as if your deep wounds are watching to see how the surface wounds are treated, to see if you can be trusted. I’ve heard this explained by the amazing Caroline Myss as well. We betray ourselves so often that the wounded parts of us no longer have trust towards us. They hide deep within us, keeping us wounded and compartmentalized. With this self love practice, we are healing our whole selves and rebuilding the trust we have for ourselves - that we won’t betray or hurt ourselves any more. Take a moment to consider this - really ponder how often you go back on your word or deny yourself something. It happens A LOT. We all do it! This practice does the deep work to, like I said above, HEAL OUR WHOLE SELVES. We are more complex than we realize.

3. GRATITUDE AND APPRECIATION

After you have allowed the emotion to fully express itself and you’ve met it with deep love, you can begin to feel deep gratitude and appreciation for all of the parts of you; for all that you have to be grateful for.

This step is very important to help raise your vibration back up and to shift you back into the present moment.

Really feel the bliss that comes with gratitude and appreciation. This is a step in valuing yourself and all that you have been through up to this point in life. Feel your heart open wide as you recall all you have to be grateful for. Be grateful for the awareness to and guidance you’ve been given to follow through with this practice. Be grateful for all that you’re aware of and get to be a part of on this journey on Earth. Soak in all of the elements you have to be grateful for.

4. BE IN THE MOMENT

As you are feeling your way through gratitude and appreciation, feel yourself shift back into the present moment. Dive into the moment and let it be all there is.

5. CELEBRATE

As these emotions shift, heal and integrate, you will begin to feel better. You will feel more balanced and centered in your body. You will feel more confident and focused. Now it’s time to celebrate that! Celebrate these wins and witness the progress you’re making. Celebrate how far you’ve come and let it empower you.

Stop and celebrate before you move on to the next thing. You are making great progress and you can allow yourself to sit in that joy and happiness. Celebrate YOU and all that you have accomplished.

6. COMMITMENT

This step is reiterating what was said at the beginning. This practice is ONGOING. We must commit to continuing the healing. Life causes us to grow and change, the fly and to fall. We are going to go through more emotional upheaval. It is important to make a commitment to ourselves to keep working through our emotions and continue to value, appreciate and love ourselves no matter what.

The more dedicated you are to this practice, the deeper the healing will be. As I stated above, we need to build trust within ourselves to let the deeper healing occur. As we keep working through all the layers of ourselves, we can create what Lynnette calls “energy mastery.” We will move through the world as a master of our own energy. Let me elaborate: how we feel about ourselves is how others see us. When we are a master of our own energy - able to walk confidently, compassionately and deliberately along our path - we will radiate that energy out into the world. We will have the confidence to go after all that we desire because we love and value ourselves. Imagine how much that could positively impact your life?!

Thank you to Lynnette Duncan for letting me share this great practice and video. If you would like to learn more about her work, you can visit her website here.

If you try this out for yourself (which I REALLY, REALLY hope that you do), please share your experience below in the comments! I would LOVE to hear all about it! Also, if you have any questions about this article or the process, please feel free to ask.

Lots of love to you!

xo

Stephanie